The Price Of Love
by Nadja Lee
Summary: AU. Some loves are more forbidden than others, demanding a very high price. Please read the warnings on top of the story. Mature readers only!


The Price Of Love  
By Nadja Lee 25/03/03  
Disclaimer: "Lord Of The Rings" belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and the movie to Peter Jackson and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money off of it.  
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without the permission of the author.  
Timeline: Set before the LOTR: FOTR. AU  
Universe: Book I guess but very AU.  
Romance: Faramir/Boromir  
Summary: Some loves are more forbidden than others, demanding a very high price. But those loves are often the ones which can never be broken.   
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.  
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000hotmail.com   
Webpage: http:www.boromir.50megs.com [Boromir: A hero's Journey]  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Dark, sad piece. Mentions death, violence, torture, rape and incest.   
Sequel/series: None.  
Author's notes: For Cruisedirector who inspired this. You're amazing in too many ways to mention!   
With thanks to Cathain for great beta. You're the best!  
  
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I wonder if you knew the price for your offer would be this great. I wonder now  
if you find it was worth it. Beloved brother, my heart was always yours, no one  
could ever replace you and now no one ever will.  
  
Now, as I lay broken on the cold stone floor of a prison cell I try not to  
shiver, I try instead to remember the night we shared, the only night we ever  
got. I try to recall your face, your touches, how your eyes danced with love  
and light. You were so beautiful, your arms strong and your kisses sure and  
heated. Everyone called you the fair and fragile one, the weak one, but in you  
I've seen greater strength and courage than I have ever seen in any other man.   
  
I knew from the day my feelings began to change from brotherly affection to  
something more, something deeper, that it was forbidden. That it was a fantasy  
and a desire I could never act upon. However I hadn't considered that you might  
feel the same, I hadn't counted on you reacting to feelings similar to my own.  
I would never do anything to hurt you; I would never deny you anything and my  
love for you has never been a secret. I've loved you from the day you were born  
and I'll love you till the day I die…and beyond if I have any say in it.  
  
I think back now to that fateful night some two weeks ago. It was raining  
heavily and you came to my bedchamber. You asked if you could sleep in my room  
and I agreed, you often slept in my room and in my embrace, yet with years it  
got rarer and rarer which I was both happy and sad about. Happy because then I  
didn't need to deal with the growing and changing feelings I had for you yet  
sad because I wished you near me, always have and always will. That night  
changed everything. You made the first move. Lying safe in my embrace you  
admitted to desires similar to my own. Only my fear for your safety made me  
hold back as joy filled me when I heard those words. I warned of caution but  
you reminded me that our father was away and shouldn't be back till two days  
later. We would be safe. We both knew this love we were about to fulfil  
wouldn't be understood by others, would be condemned and would mean the death  
of us both should it be discovered. For me I had no fear. I've trained as a  
soldier all my life and fear not death but I would never do anything that would  
risk your safety. However I'm not made of stone and your words of assurance  
sounded sure. I let myself melt into your embrace, get lost in your heat, your  
kisses and touches. It was the most wonderful night in my life…never had I felt  
so loved and special before. Never had I felt so good.  
  
However with the memory of that one night also comes the memory of the coming  
morning. I remember how my bedroom door was kicked in, I remember the look of  
utter contempt and fury on our father's face as he saw us in bed together, saw  
how you put your arms around me and I held you close to try and shield you.  
Then everything happened at once. I jumped up and tore you with me to the other  
side of the bed. I reached for my sword and pushed you behind me, fighting men  
who had just the evening before looked at me with respect but now their eyes  
held only contempt. You hadn't brought a sword with you so were forced to watch  
me fight the guards. Of course I couldn't win, I knew I wouldn't. I had hoped  
to get them to kill us in battle, gaining us both a honourable death. I should  
have known our father's wrath wasn't that easily cooled. Though I had killed  
and wounded several guards they refused to go for a killing blow. I got some  
cuts but nothing serious before they, by sheer force in numbers, managed to  
overcome me and tore my sword from my hand. They dragged me with them, ignoring  
your pleas and concern as they forced me to my knees before our father. I  
fought this humiliation but was pushed down anyway. Worried, I looked for you  
and saw you were forced to your knees beside me. Father's face was like an  
ice-cold mask, twisted with contained fury. As he lifted his hand I knew the  
blow would fall but wondered whom he would strike first. I hoped it was me;  
normally the first blow fall the hardest. My wish was granted as his fist  
slammed into my face, making my head fly to the side and blood run out my nose.  
I turned back to look into his eyes, refusing to back down or show the pain the  
blow had given me. I tried not to flinch as his open hand made contact with  
your cheek. The blow looked painful enough but I was glad to see he had indeed  
used the hardest stroke first as I thought he would. His words as he spoke were  
cold and hard, speaking of betrayal and treason. His words meant little to me  
even as he went on about betrayal of him, Gondor and our family name. About  
dishonour and deserting duty. Speaking of crimes done against morality and  
nature. It was as if someone else was living this, as if it was all just a bad  
dream. As from far away I heard him explain that bad weather had forced him to  
turn back and as he had walked towards his bedchamber he had heard noises from  
my room in the middle of the night. Always one to jump to conclusions and  
always having been angered by my close relationship with you he had waited till  
morning and had found his fears confirmed.   
  
Through all this neither you nor I spoke. First when father ordered the guards  
to take us away did I react. I turned to father, fought the guards and let  
myself drop to my knees before him, ignoring the blush which coloured my cheeks  
that this humiliation brought me. Ignoring your pleas for me to get up I kept  
my head bowed as I plead as I've never pleaded before. Plead for my brother's  
safety. My words fell on deaf ears and earned me nothing but a slap in the face  
and father's disgust at this display of weakness. I was dragged to my feet and  
together with you I was dragged through the hallways, towards the dungeon. You  
fought to stay strong though I could see the fear in your eyes. I wanted to  
comfort you, tell you everything would be all right but we both knew it  
wouldn't be and if anything I would never lie to you. I hoped they wouldn't  
separate us but I knew they would. As they dragged you away you yelled to me  
you were sorry. I assured you I wasn't sorry and replied to your 'I love you'  
with an 'I love you too'. I saw no reason to hold back now; we both knew this  
was the end.  
  
However the end didn't come as quickly as I had hoped. Father and the church  
wanted me to publicly renounce my love for you, say that it was a sin, that I  
knew I had been wrong in loving you. I couldn't do that, wouldn't do that. My  
love for you, my sweet brother, is the only pure thing I have left. The next  
many days all blurred into one as one pain replaced another. They started with  
the usual, no clothes, locked in a small, dark and cold cell, no sleep, no food  
and little water. Knowing as a soldier it would take way too long to break me  
that way they began warming me up, the usual beatings coloured with insults  
directed at me and you. The beatings turned into whippings and more days  
passed. Pain grew into agony as one tormenter replaced another. Through it all  
I tried to find solitude in the memory of you, in the love I have always seen  
shining in your eyes. I hadn't betrayed you before, hadn't betrayed your love  
then and I wouldn't do it now. Time ceased to make sense, nothing made sense  
and nothing held any meaning. Nothing but the bittersweet memory of you. I  
prayed you were safe but I knew you weren't. I hoped at least they would go  
easier on you. Maybe they would as they had never expected much of you, you  
hadn't let that many people down. Maybe they wouldn't. Uncertainty added to my  
obvious discomfort.   
  
Tormenters came and went. All had something different they liked to try to  
break me with. One loved knifes and made small cuts all over my body, one loved  
fire, leaving a trail of agony behind. Finally one tried humiliation, trying to  
contaminate the sweet memory I had of making love to you with his cruel hands  
as he forced himself upon me. I kept my eyes shut, biting my lip to bloods so  
as to not yell out in pain and sought escape in my mind, in memories of you. He  
was close but he didn't break me. I had too many memories of you. Whenever I  
thought back, I saw you in my mind and you made this dark and painful place  
light and bright with the memory of your love.   
  
Just the thought of you makes me smile. Your love was always like a star, like  
pure light. Always there, always guiding me. Never demanding, never  
doubting…always my support…always my light. I smile faintly into the darkness  
of my cell, curling up into a ball on the cold stone floor. I ache all over,  
dried blood is everywhere on my body, I'm thirsty, hungry, the cuts on my back  
are painful and denies me the sleep I want to claim. Yet still…still I can find  
some comfort in your memory.   
  
More time passes but somehow when someone this morning kicks me awake and I'm  
dragged to my feet I know this isn't another day, this isn't another torture  
lesson. I feel only light fear at what is to come. I pray my brother is safe…or  
dead. Any way for him to have escaped what I've been through. The guards bind  
my hands in front but my legs refuse to hold me up though I try to keep that  
dignity at least. Instead the guards are forced to half carry me through the  
halls and outside. Before I'm taken outside a woman binds a loincloth around my  
genitals and in her eyes I see the first signs for sympathy I've seen since the  
fateful night. For that I whisper a small thank you and the woman blushes and  
smiles weakly at me, tears in her eyes as she steps back and bows her head in  
respect for me. I wonder if she knows how much that gesture means to me yet  
also how close to breaking me this painful reminder of what I was and what I've  
been reduced to truly is. I'm lead outside and the bright sunlight hurt my eyes  
and I look down. I see I'm standing on a podium, people gathered around it. Two  
low tree blocks stand before me and a large man with his face hidden by a hood  
stands beside them, an axe held loosely in his right hand. Beside him to his  
left stands a priest, talking about sin, my sin to be precise. To his left  
stands my father, his face as cold as ever.   
  
I look around, trying to find that one person I both hope is there yet all the  
same wish isn't. There! I see you across from me.  
  
"Boromir!"  
  
You let out a joyful yell and say my name almost as if it's a prayer when you  
see me. Even now your voice calms me, it's still filled with warmth and love.  
My eyes find you and to my sorrow I see your body is almost as damaged as my  
own. You're also only dressed in a loincloth that revealed all too many scars  
and wounds. We're forced to our knees before the priest and he goes on about  
our great sin. I'm not listening, my eyes and thoughts are fixed on you.   
  
"Are you well?" I ask faintly, my voice betraying lack of water and the fact  
that in the last few weeks I've only used it to scream in pure agony. You smile  
faintly.  
  
"Yes," you answer, your voice betraying the same distress as me yet holds a  
world of trust and love. I pretend to believe your obvious lie and smile back.  
Just having you near me lessens the agony I still feel all over.   
  
"I don't regret what we shared. It was the most wonderful thing I've ever had,"  
I say softly and reach my bound hands towards him. He manages to hold my hand.  
Awkward as our touch is due to the bonds it's still calming and loving,  
bringing smiles to both our faces.  
  
"I don't regret being with you, brother, but I should have…" you begin, guilt  
and pain in your voice. I shake my head and your voice dies out.  
  
"Don't. No guilt and no pain over me, brother. I should have taken better care  
of you, been more cautious. If you'll forgive me this then I'll forgive you  
what you foolishly believe to be your fault."  
  
"There is nothing to forgive but if there was you would always be forgiven,"  
you answer and lean in towards me. For the briefest, most wonderful moment our  
lips meet and the kiss is as bittersweet as can be, tasting of blood from our  
wounds and the salt from the tears running down our cheeks. Then we're  
forcefully torn apart and painfully brought to our knees before each our block,  
our necks blotted. We lock eyes as we face each other. As always your eyes are  
filled with love and I only see a faith flicker of fear in your eyes and I feel  
my heart wheal up with love and pride at your strength. Everyone has truly  
underestimated you, my beloved brother; you're one of the bravest men I've ever  
known.  
  
"Wait," I yell as the man with the axe moves towards you. He stops a little  
uncertainly and I hope he might have served under me, that without the mask I  
might know him and therefore he might do as I ask.   
  
"Kill us together," the request is unusual I admit but I can't stand to think  
the thought of either leaving you behind or having to watch you die, your head  
separate from your lifeless body. The man seem to consider my words but  
something in my eyes seem to convince him because he nods and waves a guard  
over to stand beside me. The guard takes out his sword and tests it against my  
neck, careful not to actually let the blade touch my skin.   
  
"Thank you," I say to the hooded man and he nods, looking uncomfortable for a  
moment.   
  
"He won't suffer," the hooded man promises as he moves to stand on the other  
side of Faramir, on purpose giving me a clean line of vision of my beloved  
brother.   
  
I force a smile at Faramir and he smile back. I wish I could hold him as he  
takes his last breath but this has to do. I could hope they would burry us  
together but they'll probably burn our bodies. Not that it matters…. we'll be  
free and we'll be together.   
  
"I love you," you say to me, your eyes as warm and loving as your words.  
  
"I love you too," I say back, watching in horror yet with a feeling of peace  
inside as the hooded man raises the axe, ready to strike.  
  
"Search for me on the other side. I'll be waiting for you," you promises and  
smile at me, tears falling from your eyes.  
  
"I'll find you. No matter what…I will find you," I vows, tears falling from my  
own eyes as well and threatening to blur my vision. I fear I'll see the axe as  
it cuts through your flesh but someone takes pity on me. I never see the stroke  
fall but I know it will come and I know you'll wait for me. I will find you on  
the other side, beloved brother. Maybe there our love won't be damned, but even  
if it is my love for you will still be the only true and pure thing I have and  
it'll always exist…always. With that as my last thought and your image as the  
last thing I see I fade away, a small smile playing around my lips and dried  
tears on my cheeks as the blade falls.  
  
The End 


End file.
